Word on the street is that the GOP House leadership's last-ditch attempt to avoid taking the blame for the Foley scandal will be to blame it all on a cabal of gay congressional staffers. I'm not going to deal with questions of whether it's actually a good idea for the GOP to tell its whacko fundy base that it's been infiltrated by a camarilla of homosexuals, or whether the idea will actually work. I'm not going to give the Republicans strategy tips, because A) I'm hoping that they do, in fact, go down in flames and don't recover for at least the next 25 years, if ever; and B) they're not going to take my advice anyway.
Instead, I'm going to offer them a humble suggestion that ought to help them ferret out all these dastardly homosexuals that are eating away at their Grand Old Party from within. This is not strategizing: this is a workable way for them to take concrete steps to identify and deal with any hidden homosexuals in their midst.
Details below the fold.
Clearly, drastic measures are called for. Who knows how deep or widespread the gay rot may be? And equally clearly, it's gotta be done quickly, since the midterm elections are just a month off.
Fortunately for everyone concerned, the Republicans themselves have provided the solution to their problems with their very own Terrorism Suspect Detention and Interrogation Bill.
I think you can all see where I'm going with this.
All the Republicans have to do is have Decider-in-Chief Bush declare all of their congressional staffers illegal enemy combatants and Threats to National Security, then ship them all off to Gitmo for a few weeks of intensive not-torture. And, y'know, given that Foley himself has admitted he's gay, it might be a good idea to do the same with the Representatives themselves. And, hey, while we're at it, why stop with the House of Representatives? No doubt the evil homosexual plotters have been busy infiltrating the Senate too, so lets send Santorum, Burns, and all the rest, along with every member of their staffs. If there are too many to fit in Gitmo, then the overflow can be sent off to Abu Ghraib, or the secret prison camps in Eastern Europe, or rendered to Syria, Egypt, and Central Asia.
Then, after they've all been rigorously not-tortured by the CIA's highly trained interrogation specialists for a few weeks, everyone who has NOT confessed to being a homosexual will be allow to return to the job, just in time for one last week of electioneering. And anyone who has been given the Gitmo Good Seal of Heterosexual Approval can stand before the most homophobic voters and assure them that they are as pure as the driven snow and are worthy of being re-elected.
Well, Republicans? What do you say?